Impostor syndrome and the cost of overwork

I’ve been writing since I was a kid, but this is easily the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve honestly thought about giving up on it several times.

Maybe this won’t do much for my career, but I hope it’ll help someone out there.

Impostor Syndrome isn’t just something people like me—or maybe even you—experience. Even highly accomplished people like Michelle Obama and Tom Hanks have talked about going through it.

I’m not here to explain how it starts, because everyone has their own reasons. But I want to point out that it’s not always about big traumas. Sometimes it’s about growing up in a shaky environment or having parents who never quite knew how to celebrate your successes.

You might think, “I’m not a victim. I had more than most,” or “I’m grateful for my family and friends.” That’s great—and I hope it’s true for you—but those thoughts alone won’t break the cycle of Impostor Syndrome.

I want you to know that things don’t have to be this hard. Life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. If you’re running it wrong, you won’t make it to the end.

If you’re like me, you overwork, overthink, and push yourself past your limits until you’re burned out. Then, you have to pick yourself up and rediscover who you are. The cost of that can be high—sometimes it’s your relationships or even your career because you’ve lost your joy in what you do.

As a software architect, I’ve let toxic workplaces rob me of the pleasure I used to feel when coding or helping others.

Here are three things I’ve learned the hard way. I hope they help you too:

1- The first lie: “Stick with the friends who’ve been there since day one—they’re the real ones.”

It’s not about who stays with you through tough times. That’s easy for people in the same boat. The hard part is finding people who can actually celebrate your success.

You can’t let people hold you back or put you down just because change is scary for them. Don’t live by anyone else’s standards. You’re trying so hard to fit in that you’re losing yourself.

Stay close to those who push you forward but also remind you to slow down and enjoy life. Those friends will let you know when you’re doing more than you need to.

2- The comfort zone trap.

Staying in your comfort zone and not pushing yourself to grow—clinging to past achievements—will leave you feeling empty and full of regrets.

Find the love for your life, your work, your family, and everything you do. Keep moving forward.

3- Self-sabotage.

There will be moments when you’re on the verge of something great, but the fear of success makes you hesitate. Doubts creep in, telling you you’re not good enough, and you start making excuses to quit.

Don’t let that stop you. Keep going. Trust yourself. Let your hard work pay off. You’ve earned it. Just walk in and be proud.